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FISH TALES & STUFF
JOKES - PAGE 01
A taxidermist was driving through Arkanas when he though he would stop at a local bar and have a beer.The locals
didn't like outsiders in their bar and when he entered he was greeted with dirty stares and low mumbles.
He went to the bartender and ask for a beer.The bartender looked the man over and than went to get his beer. When
the bartender returned with his beer he asked the man "what do you do?"
The man replied "I'm a taxidermist."
The bartender replied "Taxidermist? what is that."
The man replied "Well,I mount animals,birds,and fish."
With that said the bartender turned to the other men in the bar and said "It's ok boys he's one of us".
A woman goes into Wal-mart to buy a rod and reel. She doesn't know which one to get, so she just grabs one and
goes over to the register. There is a Wal-mart associate standing there with dark glasses on. She asks, "Excuse me sir.
Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?"

He says, "Ma'am I'm blind, but if you drop it on the counter I can tell you everything you need to know about it from
the sound that it makes." She didn't believe him, but dropped it all on the counter anyway.

He said "That's a 6' graphite rod with Zebco 202 reel and 10 lb. test line. It's a good all around rod and reel, and it's
$20."

She says, "That's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I think it's what
I'm looking for, so I'll take it."

He walks behind the counter to the register. And in the meantime, the woman farts. At first she is embarrassed, but
then realizes that there is no way he could tell it was she. Being blind, he wouldn't know that she was the only person
around.

He rings up the sale and says, "That will be $25.50." She asks, "But didn't you say it was $20?" He says, "Yes
ma'am, the rod and reel is $20, the duck call is $3, and the catfish stink bait is $2.50!"
Fishing For a Sale A keen country lad applied for a salesman's job at a city department store. In fact it was the biggest
store in the world - you could get anything there. The boss asked him, "Have you ever been a salesman before?"

Yes, I was a salesman in the country" said the lad.

The boss liked the cut of him and said, "You can start tomorrow and I'll come and see you when we close up." The
day was long and arduous for the young man, but finally 5 o'clock came around. The boss duly fronted up and asked,
"How many sales did you make today?"

"One," said the young salesman. "Only one?" blurted the boss, "most of my staff make 20 or 30 sales a day. How
much was the sale worth?"

"Three hundred thousand dollars," said the young man.

"How did you manage that?" asked the flabbergasted boss.

"Well," said the salesman "this man came in and I sold him a small fish hook, then a medium hook and finally a really
large hook. Then I sold him a small fishing line, a medium one and a huge big one. I asked him where he was going
fishing and he said down the coast. I said he would probably need a boat, so I took him down to the boat department
and sold him that twenty foot schooner with the twin engines. Then he said his Volkswagen probably wouldn't be able
to pull it, so I took him to the car department and sold him the new Deluxe Cruiser." The boss took two steps back
and asked in astonishment,

"You sold all that to a guy who came in for a fish hook?"

"No," answered the salesman "He came in to buy a box of Tampons for his wife and I said to him, 'Your weekend's
shot, you may as well go fishing.'"
An Irish priest loved to fly fish, it was an obsession of his. So far this year the weather had been so bad that he hadn't
had a chance to get his beloved wadders on and his favourite flies out of their box

Strangly though, every Sunday the weather had been good, but of course Sunday is the day he has to go to work.

The weather forcast was good again for the coming Sunday so he called a fellow priest claiming to have lost his voice
and be in bed with the flu. He asked him to take over his sermon.

The fly fishing priest drove fifty miles to a river near the coast so that no one would recognise him. An angel up in
Heaven was keeping watch and saw what the priest was doing. He told God who agreed that he would do something
about it.

With the first cast of his line a huge fish mouth gulped down the fly. For over an hour the priest ran up and down the
river bank fighting the fish. At the end when he finally landed the monster size fish it turned out to be a world record
Salmon.

Confused the angel asked God, "Why did you let him catch that huge fish? I thought you were going to teach him a
lesson."

God replied "I did. Who do you think he's going to tell?"
A young man and an old man were fishing on a pier.The young man started telling the old one that the night before he
caught a trout that was over 3 1/2 foot long.

The old man replied "Oh yea, well I was here 2 nights ago and I hooked something huge. After a 30 minute fight I
finaly got it up and it was an old lantern and the thing was still lit."

The young man said "Your lying. I can't believe that."

Then the old man said "I'll tell you what, you knock a couple of foot off your trout and I'll blow out my lantern."